Tag: Funny

Next time someone calls me stupid, I am showing them this

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HEH!

Police in Kennewick, Washington didn’t have much of a problem tracking down the moron who broke into the Bella Office Furniture store there. It seems the criminally inclined mope felt so sure of not getting caught, he spent five hours on the company’s computer…

He surfed porn and tried to stolen items over the internet. He also helpfully logged into his MySpace account, just to make it extra easy to catch him.

via Moron of the Day Breaks into Furniture Store, Helpfully Logs into His MySpace Account – True Crime Report.

Wow, it’s one thing to be a thief; but a dumb thief…. is a whole other ballgame. 🙄

Finally: Rielle Hunter speaks

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I know, I could write this as a snark filled smarty pants sounding blog posting. But, I do try to be better than that.

It seems that Rielle Hunter has decided to speak. There are some interesting bits to this interview; I highly suggest that you do go read it.

Some excerpts:

Let’s start at the beginning. February 2006. How did you meet him?

I met him on a street corner. [laughs] A lot has been written that I met him inside the

Rielle Hunter - Now tell me you wouldn't tap that! I would!

Regency [hotel in New York City], that I walked over to his table. That is all 100 percent fiction. I saw him in the Regency, in the Library, which is the restaurant-slash-lounge. And he saw me. And it was a mutual unusual staring going on. There was an instant and odd connection that we both felt. Like, “I know you, you know me, who are you?” Anyway, he then got up and left.

So you didn’t approach him in the Regency?

No. One thing I’ve learned about relationships and men is that you can never walk across the room for a man. If a man is attracted to you, he needs to take the first step.

Did you know who he was?


I did not know who he was.

Really?


I did not. The John Edwards I saw in 2004 on TV I believed to be a disconnected, two-dimensional-geek kind of guy. And the man sitting across the room was not that at all.

Then what happened?


He got up and left, and Josh Brumberger [one of his aides] left with him. But the other person they were with—a donor, a lawyer named Tony—stayed. And when they left, my friend went over and asked Tony if that was John Edwards, and he said yes. And my friend turned to me and said, “See, I told you it was John Edwards.” And then I came over to the table, and I said, “I can’t believe that was John Edwards; he’s so hot. He’s really got it going on. He’s got something unusual about him, and I never would have recognized him.” And Tony said, “Oh, my God, you should have come over and told him that. He would have loved to have heard that.” Anyway, my friend and I stayed there, and we had another friend come join us. And then Josh came back. And when I went to the restroom, I stopped at Josh’s table and gave him a card and got Josh’s card. I did that because my friend really wanted to work for John Edwards. So I gave Josh a card. And my card, by the way, never said truth seeker on it.

What did your card say?


It said rielle hunter. being is free.

And that was because—


It was the Web site that I had. Which is a whole other topic. Anyway, when my other friend came—she was about to get married, so it was all about that. There was no more talk of John Edwards.

The fact the she is even speaking out, is pretty brave in my opinion and the stuff she goes on to say in the interview about Elisabeth about confirms what I and many others have suspected about the woman. Although, I will be honest with you. Rielle Hunter does tend to seem to be “In the tank” for Edwards, she sees him as a victim in all of this, which is, in this writers opinion; laughable.

All in all though, if you can get past the stupid liberal bullshit of, “Oh I was spiritually attracted to him!” which sounds like some idiotic giggling schoolgirl nonsense; it is not actually a half bad read.

There’s more:

And that president thing, whatever.
Yeah. So I said, “I can help you.” And he said, “I want your help. I need your help.” And he told me how to contact him [at the Regency]. He said, “Please call me.” I said, “How long are you staying?” He said, “Until tomorrow morning. Please, call me. Call me.”

What did you mean by “I can help you?”
That I could help him see who he is instead of what he’s not. The person standing in front of me was not the person they were selling, or his public persona. He was completely opposite from his public persona.

So it’s not like you were thinking, I can help you by videotaping the campaign?
No.

You were thinking—
That I could help him become more integrated so that people could see that he had it going on.

And you knew that in the first few seconds?
Upon sight. So I called him about a half hour later. And I got a voice mail in the room, so I hung up. Did not leave a message. Because I did not know what was appropriate. I knew he was married, and I didn’t know if his wife was with him, you know; I didn’t know what was appropriate. And this was not—there was no sexual intention here at all.

Really? C’mon.
None. I really just thought I could help him. So I hung up. And about ten minutes later, my cell phone rang. And I looked down, and I said to my friends, “What is this number?” One of my friends said, “That’s the Regency.” And I said, “He’s calling me back? I didn’t even leave a message. How is he calling me back?” And he, you know, star-69’ed or whatever the caller ID was. And he left me this message, “Hi. Call me. I really want to hear what you have to say.”

So…

Rielle Hunter - Who obviously did not swallow

So I called him back. And he said that he really wanted to hear what I had to say. Would I mind, um, meeting him in his room? And I said, “No, I wouldn’t mind at all.” And the reason I wouldn’t is because he’s a celebrity. I have a lot of celebrity friends, and I know their rules are different. Also, it felt completely familiar, like I’d known him all my life. Anyway, so I said, “Let me eat my Caesar salad, and I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” And I said to my friends, “I’m going over there.” And it was funny, because they were like, “You cannot sleep with him! You cannot sleep with him, because you can help him!” And I said, “I am not going to sleep with him.” I gave them my word: “I won’t sleep with him.” [laughs] And so I went over to his room, and I walked in, and I. Was. Terrified.

Why terrified?
Because I had never experienced anything like what was flowing between us. I sat on the other side of the room. I wouldn’t go near him. And he kept saying [she mimics his southern drawl], “What are you doin’ over there? Come over here. I can’t even see you. Come closer. I won’t bite you.” I was just—there was sooo much attraction and sooo much… I want to say love, but it wasn’t love at that point. You know, it was just this, this magnetic force field like I had never experienced. It terrified me. Absolutely terrified me. And, um, I eventually walked over to his side of the room. [laughs] He was pretty relentless. And that’s all I’m gonna say on that! Now fade to black!

Oh, don’t fade to black now.
I used to make a joke that I could have helped save the world, but I had to sleep with him. You know? It was kind of like that.

So there you have it. The crux of what this woman is about. Fell in love with him, had his kid and now is the “Third Woman.” It is good work, if you can get it. I bet Edwards is thinking, “If only she had swallowed…” 😯

I must confess, I’d hit it; hell yes, But I would wear about 5 condoms, and she would be on the pill.

Also, there is a great deal of talk about “Poor Elisabeth” and such. I must confess, I have zero sympathy for her at all. Because it is quite obvious that Elisabeth was not keeping her man happy. That relationship had broken down, somewhere along the line, and John was looking for some tail, because he was not getting it from his wife. That is quite clear. So, While I do pity her, that she is dying at all. But this whole thing could have and would have been avoided, if Elisabeth had been treating John right. Just that simple. I make zero apologies for feeling that way.

It is a fact of human nature, if a woman is getting her due share of sex from her husband, she will see it elsewhere. Same goes for women, they will do the same thing; and please, do not try and hand me that crap about Christians not doing much things, or Conservatives either. Because I happen to know, that is a bunch of bull as well. In fact, the man who was my youth Pastor back in the 1980’s, when I was growing up in Southwest Detroit; did the same thing. She was not getting it from her husband and she sought out another man. Ended up marrying him too. So, that line is out with me. As far as Conservatives go, Newt Gingrich is perfect example.

Touchy…Touchy…Touchy….

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E-mail a guy and get your…ahem, cut off. (ouch!) 😯

I am referring to Donald Douglas. I e-mailed him, He is, like me, a Hendrix Fan.Which is an awesome thing, Hendrix was awesome player. He also inspired me to learn how to play guitar.

I guess he thought I was angry, which I wasn’t. He has in his sidebar over at America Power, a version of Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” done on a British TV show; Jimi’s all turned down, his Marshall sounds horrible. I begged Don to change the video. I guess he thought I was angry or something. I was not at all. I was teasing the guy. Guess I should have dropped in a smiley or two. 😀

To respond to his posting:

Actually, I’m quite open to suggestions for music posts. But why Patrick’s “shock” at seeing a Hendrix video in the sidebar? It’s no big deal. The dude obviously should spend some time visiting AmPow before going off!

1. I was not going off, 2. I do come over there, when I see link from Memeorandum. I don’t have time to read everyone else’s blog. I’m usually too busy running my own. Sorry. 😀

I’ve been around the rock-and-roll block a few times, eh?

Which is another way of saying, “I’m old…” 😉 😛 😀 😆

Not only that, I can’t stand paleocons, actually. So, advance demerits for that.

Um, I guess I’ll have to clear that one up too. 🙄 I am not, any longer, calling myself a Paleo-Con or Paleo-Pat. Why? It become quite apparent to me that the whole Paleo-Con/Neo-Con thing is really about a bunch of sour pusses, who really just resented former Democrats coming over to the Conservative, not to mention monolithic hatred of Jews and other Minorities.  While I have mad respect for the Paleo-Cons/Libertarians on fiscal issues; the good majority of which are just not grounded in reality. The Paleo-Cons and libertarians or Ron Paul people, if you wanna call them that; want to live in a Utopian society. Some of them a Non-Jewish, all white society. Having said all that, Yes, I disagree with Bush’s Wilsonian foreign policy. Something that is, admittedly, progressive in nature; as Glenn Beck rightly points out on his show. But, unlike the Paleo-Con’s and libertarians, I do believe that the war on terror is quite the reality. However, I highly dislike the idea of nation building. But I am not overly ideological about it.  I believe pragmatism goes a long way in dealing with the issues of the World, than does being a stubborn ideologue. That’s the whole problem of the Paleo-Con and libertarian crowd. They’re just too damn rooted in a isolationist and protectionist ideology. So, to Donald, Richard Spencer I am not! 😀

That said, Patrick whines a lot about not getting FMJA links, so I’ll toss him a bone. Nice videos as well, although I quite dig that one at the sidebar — obviously an early rendition of “Purple Haze,” raw in its styling and percussion.

Whines Alot?!?! Why I oughta… 😉 😛 😀

Worry about your own blog circling the drain, buddy.

Ha! 😛 😀 😉 Lemmie tell you something there Neo-Con boy! When you get off that suck-ass Blogger, which is, by the way, owned by the very liberal GOOGLE ( 😮 ) and could shut you down at any moment’s notice, like they did Hillary people and some Conservatives, for criticizing “The One”; and get you some real hosting and a WordPress Blog —- then you can criticize me and my blog.  😉 😛 😀 😆

Otherwise, put a sock in it Podhartz lackey! 😮 😉 😛 😀 😆

Guess I told him… Harrumph… 😉 😛 😀 😮

Honest Journalists? Surely you jest!

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This a bit funny:

One question has tugged at my professional conscience throughout the year-long congressional debate over health-care reform, and it has nothing to do with the public option, portability or medical malpractice. It is this: Why haven’t America’s old-school news organizations blown the whistle on Roger Ailes, chief of Fox News, for using the network to conduct a propaganda campaign against the Obama administration — a campaign without precedent in our modern political history?

via Howell Raines: Why don’t honest journalists take on Roger Ailes and Fox News? – washingtonpost.com.

This coming from a guy who allowed a reporter to plagiarize, and he bitches about Fox News? Now that’s funny. 😀

I mean, this coming from the same bunch of people, who get on MSNBC and call the American people, who oppose President Obama, “White Racist Bigots.”

Pluueeeeze! 🙄

The Liberals hate Fox News for two reasons. Because they speak the truth about the Democrats and because oppose the liberal agenda. Plain and Simple.

Oh, and because we have taken back control of the conversation and…we’re winning the battle and their anointed leader is losing badly.

Poor babies! 😛

It’s official, Eric Massa is a freaking fruit loop

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As I said before, I am really not too keen on writing about stuff like this….But, it’s news.. So, here we go:

A couple years ago, I got a tip about Eric Massa. It involved his aggrieved former campaign manager, Sanford Dickert, who was involved in an ugly dispute. Dickert claimed Massa had fired him and refused to pay him for work he’d done on Massa’s unsuccessful 2006 run for Congress. Massa, he said, had retaliated by issuing a series of salacious charges against him, which Dickert denied, including that he had hired, and then given alcohol to, underage staffers, and also that he had made a pass at Massa’s teenage son. This seemed like a personal dispute that didn;t have much news value and was, furthermore, impossible for me to adjudicate. I didn’t write about it. Dickert wound up filing a libel suit against Massa, and in the court documents, which you can read here, the strange and bizarre charges are all laid out.

via Eric Massa’s Navy Files – Politics – The Atlantic.

….and if you happen to be interested in such stuff, had on over there and read the stuff. I have zero interest in even commenting on this stuff. It just is not my, um, “thing”.

Head on over, I’m sure it is interesting…. Just not to me. 😛

Cartoon of the Day

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Big Brother is Talking?

The managing editor of Townhall Magazine called Diversity Lane “very, very well done.”  And Michigan Review described it as “laugh out loud funny.”  Why not make this the day you discover the best in conservative comedy today at Diversity Lane?

For more fun visit the website/blog at www.diversitylane.com or go directly to the blog at www.diversitylane.wordpress.com.

The Obligatory Eric Massa gets his gay gay on posting

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Bleh. I HATE writing about this stuff! I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!

Via Washington Post:

Former representative. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) has been under investigation for allegations that he groped multiple male staffers working in his office, according to three sources familiar with the probe.

The allegations surrounding the former lawmaker date back at least a year, and involve “a pattern of behavior and physical harassment,” according to one source. The new claims of alleged groping contradict statements by Massa, who resigned his office on Monday after it became public that he was the subject of a House ethics committee investigation for possible harassment.

Massa had said that the allegations were limited to his use of “salty language” with his staff. He apologized for making some inappropriate comments and argued he was being unfairly vilified.

Days later, Massa accused the White House and Democratic congressional leaders of trying to oust him from office to improve their chances of passing health-care reform legislation — a charge that the House majority leader, Rep. Steny H. Hoyer (D-Md.), called “absurd.”

Massa could not be reached for comment Tuesday, and no one answered the phone at his campaign office or at his home in Corning, N.Y., where he lives with his wife, Beverly, and a son and daughter. Staff at his former congressional offices declined to relay messages to him and said they did not know how to reach him.

According to two sources familiar with the probe, Massa’s former deputy chief of staff Ron Hikel provided the information about the staffers’ allegations to the House ethics committee three weeks ago. Hikel had earlier sought advice from Hoyer’s office about brewing internal complaints, the sources said, and had been urged to report the allegations to the committee.

Hikel, reached at his home Tuesday, declined to comment on the ethics investigation.

Oh, But Massa says it was not sexual. I’m sorry, but when you walk up to a guy, stoke his hair and say something to the effect of, “Hey Big Boy, Would you like me to push in your stool?” It’s sexual, Okay? So, Please, Massa, get off the dumb crap already. You are gay, why hide it? Just go with it and be done with it! I mean, you are in the right party for all that sort of stuff. I mean, the Democrats are all down with the gay people anyways. So, why hide it?

Sorry, but this all leaves me about ready to freakin’ puke! I mean, I am just not really ready for “All Gay, All The time”. unlike SOME Conservative blogs! 😛 😉 😀

Anyhow, here’s the round up, go take a look. As for me, I will be over here lifting weights or something or another manly. 🙄

What else is going on in the World

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I’ve been so busy battling Chuckie Johnson and Rosanne Barr fans, that I’ve missed blogging on anything else.

Here’s a round up:

  1. Ramn Emanuel fingers a Senator….or something.
  2. Spanking of queers; A GOP Senator comes out as one.
  3. Polls show that Obama is losing ground….and possibly his mind as well.
  4. Some Arab Country is giving Jews a hard time, or something. (…and this is news?)
  5. Reid Wilson wants someone to whip him with a….Healthcare Bill?
  6. Memo to Lynn Cheney, when you’ve lost the Bush leg humping crowd; you have thoroughly screwed up.
  7. Someone else is taking over the Government. (again?)
  8. Finally! Acorn workers pay the piper
  9. Ezra Klein says, “Healthcare Reform is progressive!” (Well, no shit…. Wish they’d pay me to write dumb shit like that…)
  10. Bill Clinton is going to dinner… Hide the interns and the Cigars!

Idiot from the Moderation Que

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Commenting on this posting, obviously one of Roseanne’s fanboys:

Dude, do you have any idea of what’s going to happen to you in jail??? After 6 months you’ll be able to hide a bowling ball in your ass. 🙁

To which I responded in e-mail:

Dude, do you know how stupid you sound?

I’ve said and done worse, and NOBODY has ever been here, ever. I never, ever said, that *I* was going to do anything at all. I said She did not deserve to breathe and, “here’s hoping she ends face down in parking lot with a bullet in her head”… big difference, I never expressed intent, I only expressed my hope… Big difference, jack ass. Political incorrectness, is not against the law. We still do have a first amendment. You liberals haven’t taken that….yet.

Cartoons of the Day

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Give Reality a Chance

Healthcarelessness?

The managing editor of Townhall Magazine called Diversity Lane “very, very well done.”  And Michigan Review described it as “laugh out loud funny.”  Why not make this the day you discover the best in conservative comedy today at Diversity Lane?

For more fun visit the website/blog at www.diversitylane.com or go directly to the blog at www.diversitylane.wordpress.com.

Domestic Violence lobbyist, Kills Husband

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Alternate headline, “I am against Domestic Violence, but if you give me any crap; I’ll give you some domestic violence!”

A 45-year-old woman, charged with ending a domestic dispute by killing her 26-year-old husband of five days, is a registered lobbyist for a group fighting domestic violence.

Arelisha Bridges was ordered held without bond in the Fulton County Jail. She is scheduled for a preliminary hearing later this month on charges of felony murder, murder, aggravated assault and possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony.

Officials said Bridges claimed she was unemployed. But records show she is a lobbyist for an organization called the National Declaration for Domestic Violence Order; its Web site says the group is pushing legislation to create a database of those convicted of sex crimes or domestic abuse.

via Woman charged with killing husband is lobbyist  | ajc.com.

The jokes write themselves.

Oh, and before anyone screams. I am not making light of a man losing his life. That is a terrible tragedy. But I am mocking the woman who pulled the trigger! 😀

Others: JustOneMinute, Confederate Yankee, The Jawa Report, Althouse and QandO

Military Humor

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This comes from the folks over at Patriot Post:

Military Wisdom

“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” — Infantry Journal

“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.” — US Air Force Manual

“Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.” — General MacArthur

“You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.” — U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

“Tracers work both ways.” — U.S. Army Ordnance Manual

“Five second fuses only last three seconds.” — Infantry Journal

The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you. — Basic Flight Training Manual

“Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.” — Maritime Ops Manual

“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” — Unknown Marine Recruit

“If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.” — USAF Ammo Troop

“You’ve never been lost until you”ve been lost at Mach 3.” — Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)

“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.” —Unknown Author

“If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.” — Fixed Wing Pilot

“When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.” — Multi-Engine Training Manual

“Without ammunition, the USAF is just an expensive flying club.” — Unknown Author

“If you hear me yell; ‘Eject, Eject, Eject!,’ the last two will be echos. If you stop to ask ‘Why?’ you”ll be talking to yourself, because you’re the pilot.” — Pre-flight Briefing from a 104 Pilot

“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, …. the pilot dies.” — Sign over Control Tower Door

“Never trade luck for skill.” — Author Unknown

“Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.” — Basic Flight Training Manual

“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation — we have never left one up there!” — Unknown Author

“Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.” — Emergency Checklist

“The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.” — Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.” — Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ

“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.” — Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk

“You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.” — Lead-in Fighter Training Manual

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, “What happened?” The pilot”s reply: “I don’t know, I just got here myself!”

—-

Motivation

And now for a cartoon

Funny quote of the day

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Regarding this.

The Funny Quote:

Four hackish thoughts off the top of my head about the president imbibing. (1) It’s probably the only way he can understand Biden. (2) Now we know where that famous mellow temperament comes from. (3) If I had to deal with Reid and Pelosi every day, I’d go straight to heroin. (4) They should put the intervention on C-SPAN.

The underlined one is my favorite one. 😆

Now, that’s funny. 😛

Think that’s funny, you should read the comments over there.