Humor: Ring any bells?

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend’s  job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that  moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those  times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm  font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to  fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really  necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start  their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more  interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I  wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will  strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t  going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore  whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified  when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my  ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone  numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a  light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I  would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with  Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an  "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering  the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate  to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie  when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at  the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets  dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my  watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions  people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find  and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes  closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the  "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used  in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their  brain is also important. (Ladies…..Quit Laughing.)